Story 32: A birthday plea from a bloody cyclist

I mentioned in my last post that I'd had a few scary moments with wobbles on the road during my last cycle. Now, I understand the many reasons why some drivers don't like cyclists (OK, why most drivers don't like cyclists...) so I can handle the fact that I might not be liked when I'm on my bike and I can accept that the person driving up behind me might be muttering under their breath 'Shit, there's a bloody cyclist ahead!'

That doesn't frighten me. I mean, I don't like not being liked. But it doesn't frighten me. What does frighten me is the fact that many, many drivers don't leave nearly enough space when they overtake.

It's so easy to knock a cyclist off their bike. And, if you do knock them off, the cyclist (maybe me!) will probably end up with lots of broken bones and might die.

I guess I've been thinking about this as it's my birthday today. Hooray!! I've clocked up another year!! And I'd really love to be here to celebrate many more years to come!

So, this is my birthday plea to all drivers out there; no matter how much you hate the fact that cyclists are allowed on the road, please please please move out and give them plenty of space when you pass them.

...and, em, just for the record; I don't particularly like being stuck behind bloody cyclists either! But, I do bide my time and make sure I'm giving them plenty of space when I overtake. I'm ashamed to say it wasn't always that way...

Bloody Cyclist!

I’m a bloody cyclist

Who loves to ride her bike,

I’m loathed by many motorists

Who see me as a blight.

They see me cycling on their road

Then all they see is red,

Their temples pulse, their voices rise:

‘There’s a bloody cyclist ahead!’

‘What gives them the bloody right

To use the bloody road?

They don’t pay any taxes,

They don’t know the Highway Code!’

‘Folk on bikes are idiots

They always jump the lights,

They never wear the proper gear

On dark or foggy nights!’

‘Those Sunday cyclists; they’re the worst!

You know the sort I mean;

Spread across the bloody road

In lycra-wearing teams.’

‘And roundabouts – don’t start me!

Cyclists don’t have a clue!

“Which lane is it I should be in?

Oh, I don’t know what to do!”’

‘Bloody cyclists! MOVE YOUR ARSE!

You’re causing a delay!

Go cycle in a Velodrome,

Get out my bloody way!’

On and on the driver goes,

With angry vitriol;

Venting their frustration at

Us cyclists one and all.

Though, if I’m being honest,

Then I guess I should admit

That I was once that driver,

And I’m quite ashamed of it! 

Before I loved my bicycle

I’d only use my car,

I was that bloody driver

Who would just take it too far.

I’d curse at every cyclist

Who’d dare to cross my path,

I’d rant and rave behind my wheel

With fierce and angry wrath:

‘Get out my bloody way’ I’d shout

I’d criticise and scorn,

I’d overtake before I should

I’d even hoot my horn!

I was that bloody driver,

I too thought I knew best,

I too thought every cyclist

Was a royal bloody pest.

I’m really quite embarrassed

That I thought it was OK,

To treat all cyclists on the road

In that bloody awful way...

So, if all this sounds familiar

And you’re that driver too,

There’s something, as a cyclist,

That I’d like to say to you:

I know you get frustrated

When you want to overtake,

I understand your anger

When I make a wee mistake.

I know I’m often in your way

And slow you in your tracks,

I understand your carping

On the issue of road tax!

I get your irritation

With the cyclists who break rules,

Who jump the lights, don’t look behind,

Behave like bloody fools.

But please, I beg, remember

That we’re not all one the same,

That numpties who jump lights and such

Don’t do it in my name.

And, yes, we sometimes get it wrong,

We make the odd mistake,

But drivers sometimes do that too,

Pull out, don’t indicate!

And if you check your facts about

The tax disc you display,

You’ll see that you don’t own the road

Or have the right of way!

Is it too much to hope for,

Or too much to dare expect,

That we could treat each other

With a little more respect?

I wonder if it’s possible

That you could change your mind,

Could be much more accepting

Less frustrated and more kind?

Can’t we just be buddies?

Can’t we use the roads in peace?

Put up with all our nuances

And let the griping cease?

I hear what you are saying,

That you’d like me out your hair,

But just like tractors and their loads

I’m not going anywhere!

So, please accept my slowness,

And I’ll accept your slips;

Bikes and cars are here to stay

Let’s make the most of it!

Lastly, here’s my pipe dream,

My wish on which to end:

That every bloody driver

Be the bloody cyclist’s friend...

 ©Jane Milne

This is one of the rhymes from my little book 'One Woman's Verses vs Cancer'. All of the profit from sales is being donated to Women V Cancer. Click on the photo of the book opposite for more information!